Her
by secrettrip13
Summary: Okay this story has been in my head and won't leave. There is a main character death but I hope you give it a chance. It will be three parts. I write slash so there you go. Let me know what you think. I only own my imagination.
1. Chapter 1

_**This idea has been bouncing around my head for a while now. I was working on a story with the whole mean girl concept but have hit a brick wall. This story idea entered my head and refused to leave. So I wrote it. It's sad, not going to lie, the focus is the death of a main character and since I write JJ and Emily your guess would be good if you guess one of them. It will be a three piece, and will be updated every other day, so on Thursday and then Saturday. Let me know what you think. **_

I can't believe how much has changed this past year. Everything's different yet that different is now normal. One year ago we said good-bye as I cradled you in my arms all covered in blood after an unsub shot you. A year ago we talked for the last time, you told me you loved me and I said the same. You made me promise to take care of Henry and to go on with my life and I told you I would and I will. Three hundred and sixty-five days ago we shared our last kiss. As we said our good-byes I leaned down and place a gentle kiss to your lips and thankfully I felt you kiss back. You died shortly thereafter, in my arms, took your last breath as I held you. For the longest time I didn't know how I would get out of bed every day knowing that you were no longer with me, no longer sharing a life with me, but every day I did and every day I do. Every day I get up and start my day, every day I get up and live the life we had, the life we wanted to have and I don't know how. That's not true, I know why I do it. I do it for him but more importantly, no not more importantly but just as important I do it for you. Because I promised you I would, I promised you I would go on with my life and I could never deny you anything. Next to that, the hardest day was the day we brought you home. God I remember it like it was yesterday.

The flight home is quiet, it almost always is, but this is an entirely different kind of quiet. We are usually all tired from working way too many hours with not enough sleep, too much stress, coming off some caffeine high from the endless amounts of coffee we all ingested over the however many days we were away. Sometimes content on the job we did, on the lives we saved, on the closure we brought but most times always wishing we could have done more. Usually Morgan would be listening to his headphones or chatting up Garcia with their endless flirting. Rossi and Hotch would be talking about something that only interests them, usually something good old days related. Reid would be doing something Reid like learning something new reading something in a different language. JJ would be either going through files trying to decide what's next for us or sleeping curled up on one of the couches. Me, I usually would be reading a book. Okay I would be pretending to read a book, all the while my attention, my focused was always on JJ. That's the usual, the norm but this time, this time there is no usual, there is no normal. This time we are returning home an agent down, returning a broken family. This time only five us will make the trip home. Okay that's not entirely true either. We are all returning home but none of us will ever be the same.

As the jet touched down, we all make no effort of any kind to show acknowledgement, to show movement, to show life. No, we all continue to sit in our seats and stare blankly at nothing, recalling the events of the last several days. Eyes bloodshot, with no more water left for tears. As it taxis down the runway you can feel the tension build, you can feel the uneasiness that we all feel. At first when the jet comes to a stop no one moves, no one can bring themselves to actually more. Hotch of course is the first to move the leader, our boss, the one who carries our world on his shoulders. Today if possible his shoulders look like they are carrying even more weight but I guess that's because they are. Any sign of emotion, the little head had, now nowhere to be found. He stands slowly almost looks painful, this I guess is the sign for us that life must go on but really how can it. Rossi is next, stoic as always but broken. It's Morgan turn to stand. You can tell by the way his head is hung that he is still blaming himself for what happened though it truly was no one's fault. He places a hand on Reid's shoulder, knowing he needs all the help he can get, she was his sister at least that's how they acted. As they all make their way to the door Hotch stops by my side and places a hand on my shoulder, "take all the time you need, we'll wait for you." What he means is she'll wait for me. I nod, knowing that if I try and say anything I will break down, again.

Sitting in my seat I can't help but reminisce a bit, about how things use to be, how life use to be. I feel myself smiling for the first time since this all happened, remembering all the good times, remembering your warm smile, your bright eyes, your essences, your love. I have no idea how I'm to go on, how am I suppose to live my life and not have her in it, but more so how am I suppose to tell Henry that Mommy is never coming home. It was hard enough telling her parents. I remember the gut wrenching feeling knowing I would be the one to tell them. I had to, it was my responsibility, she was my responsibility. I mean after all she was the love of my life, my world, my life. I remember the scream I heard from her mom when her father broke the news. I remember how his voice broke as he tried to choke back the tears I know were ready to flow. As I sit, it takes me a moment to realize that I have been playing with my wedding ban. She and I always kept them on chains around our necks close to our hearts while in the field and like most times when I think of her I find myself playing with it. Removing it from around my neck I do what I have to do, I place it on my ring finger where it truly belongs and vow to never take it off. She wasn't the love of my life, my world, my wife, no she is all those things and so much more.

As I stand I brace myself for what I am about to do. By brace I mean I physically have to brace myself with the seat because my knees threaten to give way. Today I will bury the love of my life, my best friend, my wife. The bureau has taken care of most of the arrangements for her funeral, at least the memorial part. Apparently there will be a procession with several vehicles to the site where her public memorial will take place after that we will drive the short distance to the cemetery where close friends and family will get to say their final good-byes. I refused to allow her actually burial to be anything more than that, she wouldn't want more than that. After that nothing is planned, I don't know where I will go or who will be with me, god I have never felt this lost. Can I really stay in the home where so much will remind me of her? I finally begin walking down the center of the plane nearing the door. Taking a deep breath I raise my head, after all I am a Prentiss and I can't show weakness, and step off the plane. She would slap me for that thought, after all this time I still manage to act the part of a Prentiss. As I walk off the plane all the resolve I had is gone because before me are not a few cars, no not the dozen or so that I was expecting, that usually show up to these type of events. No not a dozen but dozens. I am just standing there gape jawed at the presence of all those who have shown up, Prentiss presence just went out the window. I knew people cared about her but never did I expect to see this. It appears that her life has affected much more than I thought because there are squad cars from around the country and even from outside the country. It appears the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have also come. The entire alphabet soup is represented, FBI, DEA, CIA, ATF and all the rest. Taking in all this is breathtaking and warms my heart, but all that doesn't prepare me to what awaits me just down the stairs. A sight that can make one's world stop spinning. The sight before me is of three cars, two black bureau SUVs and one single white hearse.

Walking down the endless stairs I am met by not only my team, my entire team, Garcia is there as well, but also her parents. I can't focus, I can't see straight, I can't think with this pounding in my head that is only getting stronger, but I continue, I go on. As we are all embracing, words are being said but honestly I am on auto pilot and have no idea what is happening until everyone stops and now everyone's focus is on the back of the plane which has just lowered its door. Movement is happening and I only barely comprehend what is going on. Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Reid, Anderson, Kevin, Mr. Jareau, and to surprise Gideon are all heading to the rear of the plane. As they ascend into the belly of the plane I finally realize that I have yet to see Henry. Turning to Garcia I say only one word, but it speaks volumes, "Henry?" Turns out my mom is watching him at the site of the memorial, they thought it best if he hears what's going on from me.

With that said all attention is back on the plane along with her casket and it's pallbearers that are slowly making their way off the plane and towards me. I feel Garcia's grip on my hand tighten, only to realize it is my grip on hers that has tighten. I also have an arm wrapped around her mom, somehow we are both still standing. They stop in front of me, seeming to ask my approval to continue. I stare for a moment, knowing that she is in there, it is not only haunting but so very surreal. I let go of the two women standing next to me and approach the casket. Raising my hand to my lips I then lay it on the mahogany casket and then step out of the way and they continue their journey to the hearse. I follow behind mainly because I don't know what else to do, not like I do this every day.

As they place her casket into the vehicle I glance around and next to every vehicle there are two officers representing their squad, precinct or agency, all in their dress blues and on their shields, displayed on their chests, is a piece of black tape, indicating they lost one of their own. Never did I expect this and it is nearly too much. It literally takes all my strength to remain standing and as composed as I am. I always knew she made a difference, impacted lives but never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined just how many and just how much. After the door is shut we make our way to one of the two SUVs. Each has a driver Gideon in one and Anderson in the other. I along with her parents, Garcia and Kevin are in the first car, the lead car. The other has Hotch, Morgan, Rossi and Reid. After our doors are shut I see the rest of the officers follow suit, climbing into their vehicles. It appears we will have a full police escort. There are four squad cars two in the front and I assume the other two will be in the back of the hearse. All four with their lights on, no sirens, just lights and I notice that all the other vehicles have also turned on their lights. As the hearse begins to pull away we follow and by we I mean the two bureau rigs and everyone else. The location for the memorial is roughly ten miles away and we have a mile or so worth of vehicles, single file. Driving along the streets, I can't help but wonder what all the pedestrians are thinking. Wondering who is so important to warrant such an enclave. I'm sure they assume it is law enforcement related I mean there are dozens of cop cars. Streets are blocked off, traffic is stopped and lights are ignored, all this allowing the motorcade to pass unhindered. I can't help but think how so not her this all is. I smile knowing she would smack me upside the head for allowing this but I also know she would understand. How am I to deny all these people, all the people who wanted to pay their respects to her? She has touched so many lives, that I can't, I won't refuse them this, I won't refuse her this.

The ride is longer than I thought it would be but at the same time not nearly long enough. I know when this car comes to a stop it will mark another moment that makes this all so very real, so very true. Looking in the review mirror I see the other occupants of the car. I can't help but wonder what is going through all of their minds, what's going through everyone's mind. Garcia isn't Garcia. I don't think she will ever be the same again, but that's understandable none of us will. She has lost her best friend, her sister. She lacks her color, her enthusiasm, she simply lacks her. Morgan lost his little sister. He still blames himself and I'm sure will continue to, like we all do, like we all will. Rossi, the straight faced man that loved to challenge her, he admired her so much, like the daughter he never had. Losing her has crushed him in a way I didn't expect. Reid, God poor Reid. She was his big sister. He has lost so much, so many, if this doesn't push him back to dilaudid nothing will. Mental note, keep a close eye on him. Hotch barely survived the death of Haley and now this. He showed so little emotion to begin with and now, now there is a complete lack of life behind his eyes. Lastly the Jareau's, her parents, they have lost their daughter, but then they have been in this position before, different circumstances but still burying their daughter before her time. I have no idea how they survived the first loss and I can't imagine how they will survive this, how any of us will survive this. That's not entirely true they will get through this the same way I will, with his help.

I am pulled out of my thoughts only to realize that the car has come to a stop. And if at all possible I am even more surprised. Before me is a parking lot completely packed with vehicles. I knew where the memorial would take place but I didn't' comprehend what that meant. What that meant was that a place that can easily hold a thousand would actually hold a thousand. Will there actually be a thousand people in there, a thousand people to pay their last respects. The door opens and I see Anderson standing their offering me his hand and a very small smile. I take it and step out. I am again surrounded by family, by my family, our family. We all share a look, a knowing look that speaks volumes, all trying to figure how we ended up here, how this all happened. Us standing here just staring at one another is just too painful to bear, so I take the first step. Walking toward the entrance I stop in my tracks. I begin to feel a pounding in my head and nauseous to my stomach, because it just hit me, I still have to tell my little man that his mommy isn't coming home. I feel panic start to set in, I can't breathe and my knees start to shake and feel weak. I can't do this, how the hell am I suppose to do this, how do I tell him, how do we go on, how do I raise him without his mommy. About to lose my mind I feel some one catch me before I can actually fall.

Looking up I see Hotch with a knowing look in his eyes. He knows what's going on in my mind, he's been here, been exactly where I am. I see his mouth moving, I assume he told them to go ahead that we will catch up because I see them all pass each glancing at me to make sure I was really okay or at least as okay as one can be. Hotch pulls me into a hug, a real hug, so un Hotch like. He continues to hold me for a while. After some time I nearly have my breathing under control he whispers in my ear, "I know what you're thinking Emily. You can do this, I know you can. You are one of the strongest people I know. It hurts, I won't lie and honestly the hurt never really goes away, at least it hasn't for me yet, but it lessens, it does get easier. I promise life does go on, it will take a while but it does go on." I know he is right but right now it is so hard to believe him.

"What do I tell him?" It's all I can muster, the only words that will come out.

"The truth, you tell him the truth." Is it really that simple, it can't be that simple. "You tell him that you love him, that mommy loved and loves him. You tell him what you think he needs to hear but more importantly you need to tell him the truth, tell him in a way he will understand. You may have to tell him over and over again in the beginning, and he may have a lot of questions, questions you don't think you can answer but you need to. He's young but he knows something is up, Jack did. But most important, at least in my opinion, remind him every day of your love for him, for her, tell him about her, be patient with him and just love him. It will all work out I promise you. We are all here to help you, with anything, with everything." God that's a lot to take in that's all I can think of as Hotch slowly pulls away. He places his hand on the small of my back and gives me the slightest of smiles in an attempt to reassure me and off we go to the hardest conversation I will probably ever have.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here is the second chapter. Let me know what you think.**_

Entering the building I am immediately embraced by my mother. And again I feel the tears threatening to fall but they don't, they don't exist anymore. Pulling away I notice that her mom is missing, my guess is that she is with Henry. "Where's Henry?" I need to see him, I need to hug and kiss him, I need to tell him. He needs to know what today is, what's going to happen, that everything will be okay, he needs to know that his mommy and I love him. My mother points to the left of me and out of the corner of my eye I see a door. I begin walking in that direction, continuing to think about how I will explain all this to a four year old. Now facing the door, hand on the handle I take one last deep breathe and tell myself turn and push, turn and push. I can do this I have to do this. Turning the knob and pushing the door open I am met with the only sight that could possibly warm my heart, her son, my son, our son. He turns toward me when he hears the door open and before I know it he is running towards me hitting my leg full power and engulfing me in the tightest hug he can manage. "Mommy Emmy, I missed you." He says this with the brightest blues eyes, just like hers, and the biggest smile.

"I missed you too, little man." I force myself to smile, which is actually easier than I thought. I scoop him up and give him just as tight of a hug as the one I had just received. For a moment I almost forget what has happened what I am here to do. Almost.

"Where Mommy?" As he says this he pulls away slightly leaning into my arms with his little arms wrapped around my neck, his eyes searching behind me, looking for her. I feel my smile fade and I some how manage to keep my composure to his question, the question I have been dreading, the question I knew was coming. Swallowing the lump that has been growing in my throat I head to the couch that is located on the opposite wall and sit.

"Buddy, you know that me and mommy love you so much right? That you are the most important thing in the world to us right?" He nods his head vigorously and has the biggest smile. "You know that like your uncles, mommy and me help people, we fight bad guys?"

Again he nods ands states very adamantly with pride, "Yup." A one word answer, but it speaks volumes.

"We you know how sometimes me or mommy or you uncles sometimes get hurt, well buddy mommy got hurt this time." He is staring at me processing my words, his eyes sadden, the brightness of his baby blues are darkening.

"I make it better, like mommy. I give her boo boo a kiss, it be all better." Now I know my heart is broken, the pain I feel is unreal. I am fighting back tears that some how have appeared, and I am struggling to keep it together.

"Henry, buddy, we can't fix it with a kiss. Mommy was hurt real bad." Before I can say more he interrupts me with, "Doctor make her better?" I can't do this. Deep breath, in, out, in, out. I have to do this. "We took Mommy to the doctor and they tried to make her better but they couldn't. Mommy was hurt too badly." He now has tears in his eyes, I have to finish before I can't, my mind is racing, my heart is screaming. "Henry, Mommy is in heaven." There I said it. I made it through, the hard part is over.

Nope not over. Henry is shaking his head, "NO. I WANT MOMMY! WANT MOMMY!" Nope definitely not over.

"I know buddy, I want Mommy too believe me I do, but Mommy can't come home." What do I say now, the truth, we love him, what he needs to hear. "She's in heaven watching over you and me now. Just because Mommy isn't here with us doesn't me she doesn't love us anymore. Mommy loves us so much and she will be watching over us everyday." I don't know what else to tell him, I don't even know how much of this he understands, that is until he speaks.

He is fighting back tears and trying to catch his breath, "Mommy with Auntie Haley?" God he is so smart for four.

"Yeah, buddy. Mommy and Auntie Haley are up in heaven watching over us." It's all I can say, any more and I know I will fall apart. I pull him into a hug allowing a few tears to fall. As both our tears begin to subside, I see her father enter the room, indicating it's time. I should tell him what is about to happen, what to expect, "Henry, we are going to go into a room filled with lots of people. These people are here to help us remember Mommy and what a wonderful person she was, is." As our eyes meet, I see the sparkle, how ever dim is back.

We stand, him still in my arms, and we tentatively make our way out of the room. As we exit the room, I again am stopped in my tracks. There in front of me is her casket, her mahogany casket. With Henry on my hip we head towards it. "Mommy." I look at him and nod, standing next to it he places a little hand on it, than looks back at me. "Love you Mommy." Again, a complete lack of words. Before anything else can be said the double doors that led to the auditorium open. The guys take their places next to the casket and gently lift it and head towards the open preparing to begin the painstaking walk to the front of the auditorium. Standing in front of them I too prepare to make the daunting walk. As I am about to pass the through the opening I find myself frozen in place. Standing there I see what I could only imagine and truly I would never have imagined such a sight. Before me is an auditorium completely pack with mourners, with people who want to pay their last respects, family, friends, fellow officers and officers from precincts and agencies across the country and they take up just the floor. They are seated in fold out chairs in endless rows leading up to a stage, where there is a podium, a single podium stands on the stage. All that I expected, at least to an extent but what is unexpected, completely unexpected is that the stadium seating, the actual auditorium seating appears to have someone in every seat, and the realization hits me that most of these people probably have never meet her, may not have even known of her until her death, but since than felt a need to be in her presence, to show their respect, their gratitude, in who she was, what she did and what she represented.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see her mom looking at me with such love in her eyes. How she still can find love in her heart amazes me. I return the smile she gives me and take my first step out. As I do this everyone stands which causes me to stop again. I hear bagpipes begin to play Amazing Grace. I am speechless, with Henry still in my arms I find I again have tears in my eyes but before I can do anything about them, a small, chubby little hand wipes a few of them away. Turning I look at my little man, who also has a few tears in his eyes. Giving him a quick kiss which makes him giggle a small little giggle we continue to walk down the endless isle. As we reach the stage we head to the left which has several empty chairs and we take the closest to the isle. The guys continue the walk a little future so that her casket is literally front and center. As they set it down the song comes to an end and everyone takes a seat. For a moment, I don't know what is happening, I don't know what has been planned but I need not worry as always Hotch does what he does best, he takes charge. He ascends the stairs leading to the stage and takes his place behind the podium. I see his eyes traveling the room, taking in the presence of everything, of everyone until his eyes settle on mine. I give him a nod letting him know I am ready for what ever is in store, so he begins.

"I have been asked to speak on behave of the family. My name is Aaron Hotchner, and I was not only fortunate enough to be Agent Jareau's supervisor, but proud and honored to be her friend. JJ was like no one you will ever meet. She was not only loving, caring, compassionate but also the best shot on my team." This warrants a little laugh out of the audience, if only they knew, she was that and so much more. As he stands there I see a small smile grace his lips, looking up at the crowd he continues.

"I can't help but wonder what is going through her mind right now, looking down on us and on this spectacle that is her memorial. She was such a private person when it came to friends and family that I know she would be slight embarrassed and a little uncomfortable with all the attention, which says a lot since for many years she was our communications liaison and dealt with the public and was in the spot light quiet often, but this, this is different, this is completely out of her comfort zone." As he says this he looks up as if he is looking up at her and I can't help but think he is so right, this is so not JJ.

"This may not be JJ, but what it represents is. She enjoyed reminiscing about old times, remembering good memories and spending time with friends and family. As cliché as it sounds, she would not want us to wallow in self pity, or shed too many tears over her death, but she would want us to smile and laugh as we celebrate her life. She would be the first to tell you that she had a great life. She knew the risks with the job and did it anyway. She leaves behind her team, her parents, a wife and a son. Her team, which I am proud to be a part of, became a team by chance but friends and family by choice. Her parents, they sold their home in East Allegheny and moved to Virginia just to be closer to her and her family. Her wife, Emily, a woman that would do anything and I am sure has done anything that JJ ever wanted. Last her son, Henry, who is a spitting imagine of his mother from his blonde hair to his compassionate heart. Without a doubt the world became a little darker when JJ left it, but Henry being a part of her will help us all get through it, having a little JJ in the world definitely will make it brighter." With hearing his name Henry holds his head a little higher, his smile beaming hearing him being compared to his mother.

"Though her death came far too soon, and no doubt will leave a hole in the hearts of so many the contributions she made to this world in her short life will live on forever. I know I am a better person having known her and from having her in my life, I will be forever grateful for her, for helping me become the person she always knew I was, knew I always could be. She loved and is loved. She will be missed but she will never be forgotten." There is a round of applause as Hotch finishes his speech. I will have to remember to thank him for such wonderful words. "The family would now like to open the podium to those who would like to share memories of JJ."

As he says this I can't help but think of my memories with her. I find myself unable to concentrate on the people who walk on the stage. I know I should pay attention but I can't, somehow I feel listening to them will only help to solidify the fact that JJ is gone. I know she is, I know there is nothing I can do about it but that doesn't mean I have to like it. As person after person approach the stage I find myself remembering when we first meet. We briefly met in Hotch's office but got to know each other over the next few days when we went over protocols. I remember when we admitted we had feelings for each other. I knew I had feelings for you when I saw you kiss him and you told me you realized you had feelings for me when I mentioned to Jane that you don't choose who you fall in love with. I remember when we realized those feelings were love. We realized it at the same time, relatively speaking. In New York, the car bomb and the complete lack of knowing who was hurt if anyone. That's when we stopped fighting it, that's when we admitted not only to ourselves but to each other as well. I remember the first time we kiss. It was a quick kiss, nothing earth shattering, nothing mind blowing but it did both for me. Right after we said I love you to each other we sealed it with a kiss, it was the best damn kiss ever. I remember the first time we made love. I remember how nervous we both were. Looking back I find it funny. I mean really we both have had sex before, many times but man did I feel like it was my first time and all intense and purpose it was my first time. I had never felt the way I did with anyone before. I had never wanted something so much, someone so much, never have I ever loved anyone, made love to anyone until you.

I remember how it took you forever to break through all my compartments, but how you never gave up. Damn you were so stubborn. I remember telling the team about us or rather them telling us about us. We should have known we couldn't hide it from them, really they are the best profilers in the world, just my unbiased opinion. I remember you giving birth to Henry. How so very proud of you I was, you were so strong, I couldn't have done it, but than you were always tougher than me. I remember asking Henry if I could spend forever with him and his mommy, asking him for his blessing to marry his mommy. I planned the whole day just me and him. At the end of our day of fun we sat on a bench and I told him I had a very important question to ask him. He sat there so patiently waiting for me. I finally asked him, it took awhile to find the right words I mean he was only two, hard to explain what you're asking to a two year old but he seemed to understand, which shouldn't surprise me since he is your son. When we got home I had planned a wonderful evening for us after he was down for the night, where I planned on asking you but Henry had a different plan and blurted it out before I got a chance. The lack of understanding on your face was priceless than the tears in your eyes when you realized I was on one knee with a ring in my hand. You were in complete shock as you covered your mouth with your hands. It felt like eons before you finally said something and thank god it was yes. I remember our wedding. On a bluff over looking the city, overlooking D.C., that's where we exchanged our vows, promised to spend forever loving one another. It was simple, but that's us. Nothing major, nothing over the top, but it was perfect, you were perfect. Seeing you walk towards me is a sight I will never forget, but what did me in was when you said "I do" that's the moment, the moment all my dreams came true. God, its memories like that, which I will cherish and treasure until we see each other again.

Coming out of my thoughts I realize that two hours had passed and I can't recall a single thing anyone has said. Hotch again is at the podium, "Thank you all for coming here today to help us remember and celebrate the life of JJ. We will now head to the cemetery to continue the service. At the request of the family the remainder of the ceremony will we a private affair, just immediate family and close friends. We hope you will understand. We have enjoyed immensely the stories and memories that have been shared here today and again thank you all for coming." With that said Hotch descends the stairs, as he passes each of the pallbearers, they stand and follow, each taking their spot at her casket. I stand with the remaining people in my row. However unlike the entrance, Henry and I don't lead her out instead we follow this time. The guys gently lift her casket and we begin the walk but in reverse and again like before everyone stands, but this time the room is quiet, hard to believe a room large enough for hundreds of people could be quiet enough to hear the shoes of those walking. Instead of setting her down in the gathering room like before we head straight out to the car, right out to the hearse. We again load her in, and again we climb in to our vehicles and like before we have a full police escort and like before we are accompanied by dozen of vehicles from varying agencies. The drive isn't as long as before, we all pull into the cemetery. We exit the vehicles and again like so many times today, though this being the last time, the guys open the hearse and pull out her casket. I can't bear to say her name in the same sentence as the word casket, seems a little funny but I can't and therefore I won't.

We walk the grounds until we come to our spot. I say our spot because I have already purchased the spot next to hers. I know kind of creepy, a bit morbid maybe but I want to spend forever with her and that means after death as well. It really is a perfect spot, just on top of a hill, which I'm sure the guys appreciate, having to carry her up here, but I don't care it's the best spot to spend forever. It over looks the city and is shaded by a large oak tree and there is a bench near by, okay the bench I donated the bench, it's dedicated to the most loving woman, mother, daughter, and wife in the world. Yeah I know cheesy and a little geeky but JJ loved my geekyness. The guys place her down for the last time. As they back away from her casket Hotch approaches me, he reaches into his coat pocket at presents me with a box. "Strauss wanted to give this to you at the memorial, I made it clear that, that was not to happen. I know JJ wouldn't appreciate it and I know you wouldn't either, but it's hers, yours. She earned it and you deserve it." As he states this he opens it and inside is the memorial star, given to the family of Agents who die in the line of duty. I'm taken back. I never even considered this, it never entered my mind. I reach out and take it from him and then show it to Henry, as another tear, which I thought there were no more, finds its way down my check. Standing next to her casket surround with just family and friends I find myself relaxing, if you can really call it that. This is more JJ's style, just friends and family, nothing fancy, nothing glamorous, just us being us.

We have decided against a Priest. Not wanting anything too formal. Here is where the team, where the family has decided to share their words, their memories. We have shared so many already that I don't know if there are any left to share, but I guess this is really a time to share our love with each other, remind one another that we are here and that we loved and love JJ. I'm not sure who will begin I half expected it to be Rossi. Honestly I expected Hotch but since he said his peace at the memorial my next guess is Rossi but it's not him, it's actually Reid who starts off.

"JJ, I miss you." It's simple but so very Reid. "I don't understand how you can just be gone. I mean I do but I don't. I still expect you to be there, watching out for me, taking care of me, explaining pop culture references that I don't understand." We all let out a slight laugh, knowing that he is half joking but still serious. "I don't know how to go on. I'm mad, I mad that its you who's gone, you had so much but I know that's not how it works. I just don't know what to do, how to go on." He is choking back tears, with his head hung. Sometimes it's hard to remember that he is unmistakably a genius, because at times he still acts like a child. I walk over to him, with Henry in my arms and place my hand on his shoulder. He looks up and our eyes meet and I hug him. He's stiff at first no surprise, I normally don't hug but normal has been thrown out the window.

"We get through this together, that's how." I whisper this in his ear. He nods and returns the hug. As we pull away I feel an arm snake around my waist and turn to see Morgan next to me. Guess it's his turn.

"Blondie, what are we going to do with out." This is said with a smirk and a shake of his head. He knows JJ would smack him for calling her Blondie. "I know we have butted heads on occasion, but I hope you know just how much I respected you, how much I cared for you. There are very few people I would trust with my life, but you, you I would trust not only with my life but my family's as well." I can't believe he said that. Morgan doesn't trust people, he respects them but trust is something most people will never get from him, too many people have done him wrong and it is the hardest thing for him to do. "I know you are watching over us, I know you will keep us safe. Oh, would you mind if I borrowed you beautiful wife once in awhile, I miss my wing man and could really use her help." He says this in full grin looking up at the sky. I can't help but smile as well. JJ would again smack him for that remark as well.

"Really, you are such an as_." But I stop myself before I say ass since Henry is still in my arms. I'm facing him so I mouth ass and we all share a laugh. It's what we all needed. Before he moves away he leans in and kisses my temple, pulling me in a bit, his way of letting me know he is here for me if I need him. He returns to his place next to Garcia and place his arm around her shoulder. They really should be together, I hope they figure it out before it's too late. She leans into him and her eyes meet mine and I smile because I know if I don't she will lose it and break down. I can't let her because then I would as well.

"Peaches, this isn't how it was suppose to go down. Who am I going to confide all me deep darks to, all my wishes, all my worries, all of my all to. No, I have to think happy thoughts, right happy thoughts. How am I suppose to stay sane working where we work, doing what we do, seeing what we see. You are the one who held us all together. I told you once you are the glue that keeps us together, you really are the best of us all." I know she wants to say more but I know at the same time she can't. I'm sure you'll be hearing from her a lot, just remember to make time for me, I don't want to have to take a number to talk to you. I can't but smile as I think this. Morgan's grip tightens around her shoulder as well as Kevin's grip of her hand.

I smile at her, letting her know that I understand. Out of the corner of my eye I see Rossi take a step forward. This hands folded in front of him. Looking at his hands he begins to fiddle with his ring. "I remember when I came back to the BAU and first met you. Honestly all I could think about was your pretty face and how we didn't have Agents like you when I was in the FBI way back when. Never occurred to me you could actually do your job at least not as well as you did." Oh how JJ would love to hear this, but I guess she can. "There were times when we didn't see eye to eye but in the end it was you I learned the most from. Because of you I continue to write and continue to lecture, I never told you that but after Zoe, I was going to be done with it all until you told me why you joined the FBI. I will forever be grateful for that, it helped remind me of why I do what I do." She would be happy to know that she is the reason he still lectures. He is so very good at it and it would be a shame if he stopped.

I look over at her parents, they told me before hand that they weren't sure if they would have the strength to say anything but JJ's father looks determined. He has been staring at her casket but raises his head and begins. "I want to thank you all for being here for JJ when her mother and I couldn't. She spoke so very highly of you all and would with pride refer to you all as her family, not her second family but her family. You have all be so kind to us, welcoming us into your lives. We will be forever thankful that you were able to give JJ a home. Her years with you all were some of the best if not the best years of her life. Her heart would burst out of her chest knowing just how much you all cared. Though she is gone I know she is watching over us and will be until we are all again reunited." With that the last of his resolve is gone and he cries. He wraps his arm around his wife both pulling strength for each other, even though neither really has any to give.

We stand in silence for a few moments before a few other family and friends share some moments. Sadly the only thing I can think of is that sooner or later it will be my turn and I have not idea what to say or even if I can say something. I am at a complete loss at the moment. Not sure what to say. What do you say to you life when your life is gone. How do you thank these people who have become your family, for all that they have done and for everything you know they will do? You can't thank them properly, and there really aren't any words. Hearing my name finally brings me back to reality. Looking on at my friends and family, our friends and family, I see their concern, their loss, their pain and I know that it doesn't matter what I say it won't change anything, You will still be gone and we will all still have this insurmountable pain.

"I don't know what to say." I know original right but I'm going to go with the truth, with my heart, say what I need to say. "I just want to thank you all for coming, for showing your love and support. I know JJ's heart would warm seeing all the love here today. I just…." But before I can finish, before I can say anything my resolve gives out and I find my body, my mind, my heart won't let me say anything else. Everyone is looking on, I see their concern. I turn to Hotch, begging him with my eyes for some help and like always he comes through. He approaches me, gives me a kiss on the temple and then proceeds to place a white rose on her casket. Thankfully everyone else takes his lead and does the same until it is just Henry and me.

Holding Henry's hand we approach her casket. Kneeling down so that I am eye level with my little man I find my voice again. "Do you want to say anything to Mommy?" He turns to me and than back to her casket as he nods but says nothing. "Go head buddy, she can hear you." I have no idea what else to say to a four year old.

"Love you Mommy." Simple and yet the most important statement that can be made. "Miss you lots." He turns to me, and kisses my cheek, "Me and Mommy Emmy, we be okay, you watching us right." The way it was said you know it wasn't a question, he knows we will be alright. With that he looks up towards the sky and blows a kiss.

"We will be okay buddy. Mommy is watching us and she will make sure we are okay." Not sure where the words are coming from, maybe some inner strength, maybe some strength given to me by my own blue eye, blonde hair angel. "Jennifer, I miss you so much and love you even more." The strength was short lived but really what more is there to say. I look at Henry, "You ready buddy?" He looks at me and then the casket and nods. I lift him up and together we stand up and place our roses on your casket, yeah I finally admitted that it was your casket.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Here is the last chapter. I hope this has cleared my head so I can focus on funny JJ and Prentiss stories. Let me know what you think.**_

So I said everything was different, I guess I should explain. Your death was the downfall of the team. I don't say this out of spite, or with anger, no that's not my intent. However the place wasn't the same, the unit wasn't the same after you died. Let's see, Hotch was the first to leave that is of course second to me. He is still with the FBI, but no longer a profiler. He actually is the new Section Chief. He now has normal hours or at least more normal than before and is home even more for Jack. Your death hit him harder than I think we all expected, more than Haley's if possible. Your death made him realize just how short life was. He now smiles more and laughs, oh my god JJ does the man have a sense of humor and his laugh is contagious. He seems more relaxed and enjoys life more.

Rossi retired, again. Now he spends all his time lecturing, getting recruits. Your fault by the way, he never forgot you telling him, that he was the reason you joined the bureau. I saw him lecture a few times, very convincing, I can see why he convinced you to join he almost convinced me to come back. He is also like a second granddad to Henry. You thought Garcia spoiled your son you haven't seen anything.

Reid is now teaching profiling classes at the academy. I think he really found his place.

He helps out once in awhile, does consults when asked and is always there to help Morgan out. He still has his socially awkward moments but they are fewer and farther between, teaching younger people has really helped with that. He is staying true to the title godfather. He comes over every week no matter what, and he and Henry spend a day together. I don't know what they do or where they go, but I know they both need it as much as the other. You will be happy to know and relieved, he stayed away from dilaudid, he nearly went back but he didn't, he didn't want to let you down.

Morgan is still with the BAU, the only one left from our team. He couldn't leave, especially after your death. More determined than ever to catch as many bad guys as possible. And he does catch them, his team is young but man they are good at what they do. You would be proud, I think he is still trying to make it up to you, though it wasn't his fault. He thought about going back to Chicago, to be closer to his family but realized that though he loves them, we have become his family.

Garcia left the BAU last. She hung around awhile but seeing your picture on the wall of fallen finally did her in. She continues to work with victims families more so than before, helps them find answers, and helps with those who no one else helps. She and Kevin didn't last long after your funeral. You will be happy to know that she and Morgan finally got their heads out of their asses and are now together. Yeah I know took them long enough. God are they good for each other. They are actually planning their wedding, yup that's right, their wedding. I know never thought it would ever happen, never say never. There was a brief battle over whether I would be maid of honor or best man. One guess who won. Little hint I will be wearing a dress and god is it perfectly Garcia.

So that only leaves me. I was the first to leave. I couldn't stay there, I couldn't walk those halls, sit in the same rooms, not after losing you. After I left the BAU I took some time off, just spent it with Henry, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I did a lot of soul searching but really I knew what I wanted to do, nothing, absolutely nothing. That's right I have essentially retired. I weighed my options and I could easily afford being a stay at home mom and that's what I've decided. I get the pleasure of spending all day with Henry, from the moment he wakes to the moment he goes to sleep and I have learned that I enjoy it more than I ever thought. Sure I miss working at the BAU but love my little man even more. At first it was hard to come home, come to our home. Everything reminded me of you and it felt just like work, every turn there you were. I thought about moving, about selling our home and finding a new place, but I couldn't do it. I may eventually but right now, Henry needs it more than me not. He points out places where special moments occurred. I don't know how long he will remember these things since he is so young but I promise I won't let him ever forget you.

Though everything is working it's self out, it wasn't always that way. For awhile I was so lost, and angry. God was I angry at you for leaving us, for not fighting to stay with us but that didn't last long. I could never stay mad at you for long, I would always cave and I will always cave. I was also scared, so very scared. I was scared for many reasons but mostly because I was now a single parent. I was so afraid that I would ruin him, that I would some how break him, or undue all that you had done with raising him. I was afraid and honestly I'm still a little afraid that he will resent me, resent me for being the one to come home, resent me for not being you. I only feel that way once in awhile, barely ever but still once in awhile. It's hard to look at him sometimes. He is so much like you. He has you blonde hair, and you blue eyes but those are obvious similarities. He also has your smile and the ability to get me to do anything, sound familiar. His eyes maybe blue but that's not the only thing about them that reminds me of you. His eyes also have your sparkle. The way they shine when he smiles, they way they change color according to his mood. Like when he's happy they turn the lightest blue I have ever seen or when he is made they turn a deep, almost cobalt blue. He definitely got that from you. He also has this uncanny ability to know when I just need him. It sounds weird I know, but sometimes there are times when I just need to hear his voice and before I know it my phone rings and it's your mom or my mom or Garcia or who ever saying he was asking about me so they called. I don't know how he knows but he does and again that's all you. You use to do that, you use to call me, or text, or email or just show up when ever I needed you. I suspect you still do and will continue until we see each other again.

There were nightmares for the longest time. They occur less for both of us and actually that's why I'm here. Last night was the first time both of us slept through the night. Usually he or I will wake up but not last night and I'm feeling a little guilty. I know how stupid that sounds believe me I do. But I do feel bad, here we are surviving, we are making it, we are going on, going on without you. I know that's what you wanted, that's what you wanted for us, for us to be able to go on, but it's still hard. I will continue to raise Henry the way we had been the way we said we would. I tell him everyday how amazing his mommy was and is. I can't promise you I will find love again because you are the love of my life but I won't shut out the idea, I won't run from it if it comes. I know in my heart we will see each other again and I can't wait but I can wait. I know you understand. I love you so much until we see each other again I promise I will go on with my life.


End file.
